Sure, the real news is Mitt Romney #FTW in NH — and while Jon Huntsman “holds on” (you’ll get that later) for third — we raise the more important debate of today’s GOP fight night. Which Republican fam rocks the vote best: the social media sensation of those sparkling Huntsman Girls or the American dreaminess of the picture-perfect Romney Boys?
The two crews do have lots in common: Mormonism. Conservative values. Cullen family good looks. But don’t get it twisted, there’s a Battle of the Sibling Sexes being waged in this year’s primary that can’t be ignored.
There’s the Huntsman ladies who are blowing up the election trail with their hilar Twitter feed, viral videos and unchecked political commentary — mad props to former Ambassador Huntsman for letting his dynamic daughters do their thang — to the interwebz’s delight and his campaign’s dismay.
But who can forget the feel-good force of the Five Brothers blog and Mitt Mobile tour back in ‘08 that introduced the nation to the wholesome hotness of the Brothers Romney? These cuties aren’t as prominent in their pop’s campaign as they were back then — but there’s no denying the dashing dudes are stumpin’ it up once again.
It’s a tough call — so learn more about the GOP’s Next Top First Kids!
COLLEGE: U of Penn
STATUS: Single and ready to mingle, but she does have one little man she’s devoted to — her maltipoo, Arthur.
AKA: The Wild One, The Creative Force — the youngest Huntsman girl was the one that jumped out of bed one morning and woke up her sisters to make the inspired Herman Cain spoof, and she’s also the one who keeps the campaign staff up at night with her candid quips to reporters.
DREAM JOB: SNL writer, which makes sense given her gift for viral video making — but she’s also interested in fashion. Watch out, Whit Port!
RALLY JAMS: Parental Discretion Advised – Liddy told MTV’s Sway that she loves hip-hop and when she was in 7th grade, she once hid her hard-hitting rap CDs under her bed…until her dad found the stash and snapped ‘em in half.
SPECIAL TALENTS: Speaks Japanese – Konnichiwa, Kandidates!
ELECTION DRAMA: Sixteen year old Liddy started dating the son of her dad’s opponent in his last bid for the Utah governorship — and the night before the election, she got into a teary IM chat with her Democratic dude. She told the New Yorker: “My dad was, like, ‘What is going on?’ ” Liddy said. “I’m, like, ‘You can’t win, Dad. Briggs says his life is over if you win.’ ” So her caring candidad sat down at the computer and, pretending to be her, consoled her wigged-out crush. Adorbs. P.S. Papa Huntsman still crushed her bf’s father at the polls. And oh yeah, a pimp and two hookers apparently broke into her hotel room the night before her pops was officially appointed Obama’s Ambassador to China. As Ye would say, that s*** cray!
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: Sassy Liddy has laid to rest any rumors of her hittin’ the election trail: “Definitely, no. I’ll save you guys that. I will never run for anything,” she said during a live chat on a Boston college campus.
SPIN SISTER: She’s def the sibling who lets loose around reporters — according to Huntsman’s jittery campaign workers, she still doesn’t understand the concept of “on the record.” Way to keep those staffers on their toes, Liddy!
AKA: The Brunette One, The Pro, and daresay…The Heir? “Savvy Abby” works overtime to keep her outspoken sisters on-message.
STATUS: Married for about a year — sorry, fellas.
COLLEGE: U of Penn
RALLY JAMS: The girls watched Florence + The Machine on SNL and were blown away, so Abby might rock “Dog Days Are Over” at a rally. For sure, she’d put on the track that’s been pumping them up on the trail — “Hold On” from 90s girl/sister band Wilson Phillips. Unforch for them, the song is almost too-on-the-nose since their dear old dad has struggled to become a major contender in New Hampshire.
DAY JOB: Abby is no stranger to media mayhem –- she was a former Good Morning America booker and PR handler. But she says all the exposure the sisters have been getting doesn’t mean she’s angling for a Fox anchor gig, telling GQ, “I’m not blonde.”
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: Whenever the girls are asked who’s most likely to wear their pop’s political pants, the sisters always seem to look to Abby — plus she knows how to navigate the treacherous waters of political reporters/pirates — so our money’s on the middle Huntsman hottie to heat up the DC scene.
SPIN SISTER: She does the damage control when Liddy starts mouthing off – always steering the convo back to the campaign’s talking points. You betta believe Huntsman’s minions heart Abby.
+Mary Anne Huntsman
AKA: The Virtuoso, The Lady In Red (Not that cheesy 80s song, but a music education group that she’s a member of.)
STATUS: No ring on it — but her sisters are trying to change that (and so is Wolf Blitzer) by secretly signing her up for Match.com plus LDS Singles (a Mormon dating site) and JDate (NOT a Mormon dating site).
DAY JOB: The hottest piano teacher. Ever.
SPECIAL TALENT: Speaks Chinese. Ni Hao, New Hampshire!
RALLY JAMS: Chopin. She’s classy, y’all. But maybe she prefers to groove to their own version of “Huntsman’s Back.” And we hear the ladies kill a karaoke version of Leann Rimes’s “Can’t Fight The Moonlight.”
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: The eldest of Utah’s finest doesn’t seem down with DC — music is her calling.
SPIN SISTER: While she’s looser lipped than Abby, she’s certainly not dropping media bombs like Liddy — who recently blew up Mary Anne’s spot by announcing to GQ that her oldest sis went on a date with Kris Humphries when he played for the Utah Jazz. (They saw Elf. He munched on a popcorn bucket the size of “garbage can.”) Dude, Kim Kardashian got Mary Anne’s sloppy seconds! #LOL
AKA: The Funny One or The Anti-Mitt-Bot — the youngest of the Romney Brotherhood likes to keep campaign stops smiling with silly stories that show the lighter side of their dad, who’s often accused of being too buttoned-up.
STATUS: Taken…forever. We might as well dash your poli-wife dreams now — all the Rom bros are crazy-cute-Christmas-card married — so forget it, ladiez.
COLLEGE: Brigham-Young University, majored in Communications
DYNASTY BUILDING: 2 crazy cute kids. See aforementioned Christmas card.
DAY JOB: Real estate blah blah blah.
CAMPAIGN BUS SCREENINGS: He lives in San Diego (after a long stint in NYC), so it makes sense that his fav movie is “Anchorman : The Legend of Ron Burgundy.” Wonder if he plays jazz flute as well…
RALLY JAMS: Death Cab for Cutie and White Stripes are his bands of choice.
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: Not likely – the most devious of the Romney dudes lives in paradise and is clearly enjoying it. Besides, he’s busy coming up with conspiracy theories about how Jack Donaghy’s hair (Alec Baldwin’s character on 30 Rock) is modeled after his dad’s ‘do.
AKA: The Oddball (he’s the solitary blonde bro and the only one who didn’t go into politics or biz), Doc Rom.
STATUS: Ring finger, y’all. Sigh.
COLLEGE: Brigham-Young University, majored in Management, then graduated from Tufts Medical School.
DYNASTY BUILDING: No little ones…besides Kingsley, his yorkie-poo mix that Mitt calls his “grand-dog.” (Ben’s fine with that but has problems saying “yorkie-poo.”) We think Liddy’s Arthur should have a pooch playdate with Kingsley!
DAY JOB: Doctor of Internal Medicine — which is probably helpful when you’re eating at tons of greasy spoons in tiny towns all over the country.
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: Eh, none really. He’s focused on healing patients rather that partisanship.
STATUS: Taken. Obvs.
AKA: The Heir…and The Hair (although the Huntsman Girls disagree.)
COLLEGE: BYU, majored in English, minored in Business…then Harvard Business School. Anyone sensing a pattern here?
DYNASTY BUILDING: 3 adorbs Republican rugrats.
DAY JOB: Real estate developer and owner of Romney Ventures, i.e. he makes lots of $$$$.
CAMPAIGN BUS SCREENINGS: He’d throw on Office Space or Braveheart. We can’t wait for Josh to try out his warrior yell of “FREEEEEDOOOOM!” at the next Rom-rally.
ELECTION DRAMA: Newser tells us that Josh recently tried unsuccessfully to duct tape Tagg in the campaign bus bathroom. Where is the Twitpic of this?! Too bad the Romney staff keeps these boys on such a short cyber leash.
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: He’s apparently the slickest stumper of the brotherly bunch — and he’s shown an interest in politics — so odds are on Josh to be the third-generation of Romney silver foxes to step up and serve his country.
AKA: The Second Son and until this news cycle dies down, The Birther.
COLLEGE: BYU. HBS. DUH.
STATUS: Off da market.
DYNASTY BUILDING: 3 lil’ tykes.
RALLY JAMS: Cake, Ozomatli, The Shins, Iz, White Stripes, Beck, Coldplay, Led Zeppelin, Luna, and Bob Marley – turns out Mitt’s preppy progeny has some eclectic music taste!
DAY JOB: Senior Vice President of Capital Markets at Excel Trust, Inc. Dolla dolla billz, y’all.
ELECTION DRAMA: Matt told an off-color birther joke about Obama at a recent campaign stop and had to take to Twitter to apologize for the gaffe. Coupled with Mitt’s own screw-up statement – “I like being able to fire people” – the usually perfectly poised Mormon men have had a hard time in Hampshire of late.
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: He’s gotten a taste of the political media piranhas, so maybe that scared him off?
STATUS: ComMITTed fo’ life.
AKA: The Uptight One, The One With The Unique Name.
DYNASTY BUILDING: 2 mini-Mitts and a little girl.
DAY JOB: Managing Partner at Solamere Capital. He was also the Chief Marketing Officer for the LA Dodgers back in 2006. Make it rain.
COLLEGE: You guessed it — BYU (Econ) and HBS (More Econ). They should have a Romney Library, or at least name a Men’s Bathroom after ‘em, at those schools by now.
ELECTION DRAMA: Maybe cuz he’s the most Type-A of the J. Crew catalog that is the Romney sons, silly Liddy chose Tagg as a target for her Twitter teasing. Before a GOP debate in Sin City, she tweeted @tromney: “Want to tailgate for the next debate? Vegas wild. We’ll bring the godfathers, you bring the diet coke,” followed by, “Mormon tabernacle choir can DJ.” No response from Tagg — but Liddy just thinks the eldest bro is playing hard to get. Surprisingly, the straightest-laced son also joked about “getting wasted” (Mormons don’t mess around with booze) after his dad’s victory in Iowa.
RALLY JAMS: Billy Joel is his go-to, so it’s gotta be “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” riiiiight?
CAMPAIGN BUS SCREENINGS: The Office is his fav TV show. And now that we think about it, Michael Scott does kinda look like a long-lost third-cousin…
FOOTSTEP FACTOR: We’re not ruling him out and according to the NY Times, “Friends and aides, as well as Mr. Romney himself, say that Tagg, who now manages a hedge fund, also has the interest and the talent for public office.” I guess we have to just wait and see!
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